(no subject)

[zoethe]

It's amazing how much a little organization can acomplish. I have completed my contracts reading for the week this morning, and organized the cases for my next legal writing project. I feel awake, alert, and generally more satisfied with myself.

All because I have a job interview at 11 requiring me to structure my day.

I am not happy with this tendency to "drift" on days when I don't have anything other than class at 6 to serve as a parameter. I don't get it--what is it about the way that I "tick" that makes a busy day so much easier to handle? I have this need for externally-imposed boundaries that irritates me. And yet, I have to say that it's not that I'm NOT getting the things done I need to do on the other days. They just don't have the sharp, bright edges that signify beginnings and ends. I don't like smudginess in my daily life. It makes me restless.

So why can't I impose that internally? Why do I continue to need an outside force for those parameters? I know what makes me comfortable, why do I avoid it? Do I fear getting comfortable without the outside imposition?

I have no answers, just a feeling of accomplishment and a vague dissatisfaction with myself.

Comments

I Told You, Sweets...

[theferrett.livejournal.com]

...You're afraid to commit. I've given you an artificial schedule and deadlines before, and you've shrugged them off. I'm 90% sure that subconsciously, if you create a workable schedule that makes you work during the day, you believe that you'll be warding off a job.

Creating a schedule that may or may not be temporary is a Good Thing, sweetie, but for you it's a sign of failure. Is it any wonder that you can't?