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The question circulating today is what your 11-years-younger self would think of you, if s/he suddenly materialized today. A funny thing happens after you become a parent: you stop thinking about such questions in relation to your own age and start thinking about them in relation to your kids'.
11 years ago, Amy was two and Erin was seven. We were right in the middle of moving from a house that none of us really liked to a wonderful house on the Hillside in Anchorage. I was homeschooling Erin, and ice skating was the center of our lives. I was a fulltime mommy, my support group was other homeschoolers, and kid activities dominated our existence. Summers were about camping and hiking.
My 11-years-younger self would be surprised as hell to find that her future lay in Cleveland, Ohio.
I think her first reaction would be shock at how fat I am, and when I showed her pictures of the progress I've made to be truly disgusted. Once the physical appearance stuff was dealt with, I'd have to introduce her to her future husband.
The thing is, she would have a vague idea of who this was, having recently begun to exchange barbs with him on the Compuserve SciFi forum. I think she would be filled with amazement - amazement that I ever got up the nerve to get out of my first marriage, and amazement at where that decision had led me.
I think it would give her a lot of hope. At that point I felt pretty trapped by life.
At that time I was just barely beginning to explore alternative spirituality again, having put it all away when I was in college. I'd come out of a really wonderful Catholic community in Fairbanks and had found nothing to substitute for it in Anchorage, and the discontent with conventional Christianity that I had kept a lid on for over a decade was bubbling forth once more. Under John's severe disapproval, however, I had pushed it away. This was the time in my life that that pot started bubbling over as I found that I couldn't deny those feelings. The 11-years-younger me would be pleased and amazed at how that part of my spirituality has grown.
and then there's law school. And a fulltime job. That me would be astounded - I'd never had a job I genuinely liked and had been more than happy to leave the job market behind and be a housewife. And the younger me was, frankly, nowhere near as organized and disciplined as I am now. I think she would have trouble believing that she would eventually be dedicated enough to go to school and work fulltime. I think that would blow her mind.
I'd have such sad news for her: her best friend, Annie, would be dead within five years. So would her dad. You can't avoid sadness.
She'd struggle with the fact that the kids live with their dad. I know, because I still do, and the version of the girls she knew would still be very young. That is the one area in life where I think she might be disappointed in me. That and being too fat.
11 years ago, Amy was two and Erin was seven. We were right in the middle of moving from a house that none of us really liked to a wonderful house on the Hillside in Anchorage. I was homeschooling Erin, and ice skating was the center of our lives. I was a fulltime mommy, my support group was other homeschoolers, and kid activities dominated our existence. Summers were about camping and hiking.
My 11-years-younger self would be surprised as hell to find that her future lay in Cleveland, Ohio.
I think her first reaction would be shock at how fat I am, and when I showed her pictures of the progress I've made to be truly disgusted. Once the physical appearance stuff was dealt with, I'd have to introduce her to her future husband.
The thing is, she would have a vague idea of who this was, having recently begun to exchange barbs with him on the Compuserve SciFi forum. I think she would be filled with amazement - amazement that I ever got up the nerve to get out of my first marriage, and amazement at where that decision had led me.
I think it would give her a lot of hope. At that point I felt pretty trapped by life.
At that time I was just barely beginning to explore alternative spirituality again, having put it all away when I was in college. I'd come out of a really wonderful Catholic community in Fairbanks and had found nothing to substitute for it in Anchorage, and the discontent with conventional Christianity that I had kept a lid on for over a decade was bubbling forth once more. Under John's severe disapproval, however, I had pushed it away. This was the time in my life that that pot started bubbling over as I found that I couldn't deny those feelings. The 11-years-younger me would be pleased and amazed at how that part of my spirituality has grown.
and then there's law school. And a fulltime job. That me would be astounded - I'd never had a job I genuinely liked and had been more than happy to leave the job market behind and be a housewife. And the younger me was, frankly, nowhere near as organized and disciplined as I am now. I think she would have trouble believing that she would eventually be dedicated enough to go to school and work fulltime. I think that would blow her mind.
I'd have such sad news for her: her best friend, Annie, would be dead within five years. So would her dad. You can't avoid sadness.
She'd struggle with the fact that the kids live with their dad. I know, because I still do, and the version of the girls she knew would still be very young. That is the one area in life where I think she might be disappointed in me. That and being too fat.
