zoethe

I have so much work to do that I am feeling affronted by the world. So I have managed to avoid all morning, which makes it worse, etc. etc.

I thought I'd gotten this out of my system when I did college.

Gah. Must get to work.

It's amazing how much a little organization can acomplish. I have completed my contracts reading for the week this morning, and organized the cases for my next legal writing project. I feel awake, alert, and generally more satisfied with myself.

All because I have a job interview at 11 requiring me to structure my day.

I am not happy with this tendency to "drift" on days when I don't have anything other than class at 6 to serve as a parameter. I don't get it--what is it about the way that I "tick" that makes a busy day so much easier to handle? I have this need for externally-imposed boundaries that irritates me. And yet, I have to say that it's not that I'm NOT getting the things done I need to do on the other days. They just don't have the sharp, bright edges that signify beginnings and ends. I don't like smudginess in my daily life. It makes me restless.

So why can't I impose that internally? Why do I continue to need an outside force for those parameters? I know what makes me comfortable, why do I avoid it? Do I fear getting comfortable without the outside imposition?

I have no answers, just a feeling of accomplishment and a vague dissatisfaction with myself.