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Freedom - Day Two
Jul. 29th, 2006 02:25 pm1. Slept until noon.
2. Been screwing around on the computer ever since.
3. Going to Blossom for the John Williams concert tonight. Bringing food for the picnic.
4. Oh, laundry. Doing that.
I am shockingly unenergetic. Spent yesterday mostly being morose and accomplishing nothing. We did go out with Kat and Eric last night, who picked up dinner, and then watched Serenity at their house. I've been up until after 2am both nights.
Haven't even gone into my garden (the fact that it's 90 degrees out there isn't providing any encouragement). Haven't read much, haven't accomplished a thing. Stayed up after my "Yay" party on Thursday night listening to music and being morose.
Honestly? I'm not enjoying it. But there is this weird need to flense the last of my former identity before leaving for Europe. I am embarking on being a new person. No longer Gini the Amazing Fulltime Employee and Law Student. Soon just Gini the Working Woman. Law school has basically been a huge chunk of my identity since I divorced from Hubby Number One and my identity as Homeschooling Mom, Gini the Quilter. Yeah, there was a year of Getting Worthless Business Degree, which was entangled with Marrying Second Hubby, all of which kind of blurred together in simple survival mode. Then we decided to take a chance on Cleveland, and with it came getting ready for law school. From the time I made that decision, even though it was a year from that, through the LSATs and applications, it was a huge part of Who I Was Going To Be, even before classes started. That's, really 5 years and change of my life.
Now, I get to be someone else.
Oh, parts of me are bedrock: Gini the Wife; Gini the Mom; Gini the Paralegal/Eventually-Lawyer. A couple more are default: Gini the Gardener; Gini the Friend; Gini the Geek; Gini the Pagan; Gini the Exerciser. I want to pick back up some from the past: Gini the Quilter/Crafter; Gini the Good Cook. But all of that leaves a hole still to be filled, or maybe just a lot of options within those identities. Gini the Community Active is definitely one place I want to go.
Maybe it's not a fear that I don't really exist. Maybe it's being overwhelmed by too many choices.
Whatever the source, I am glad for our impending trip. Getting away from it all should complete my deconstruction. I will be ready to be myself, whoever she is.
Ferrett, of course, suggests Gini the Fellatrix. He's even willing to throw himself on that grenade. Brave boy.
2. Been screwing around on the computer ever since.
3. Going to Blossom for the John Williams concert tonight. Bringing food for the picnic.
4. Oh, laundry. Doing that.
I am shockingly unenergetic. Spent yesterday mostly being morose and accomplishing nothing. We did go out with Kat and Eric last night, who picked up dinner, and then watched Serenity at their house. I've been up until after 2am both nights.
Haven't even gone into my garden (the fact that it's 90 degrees out there isn't providing any encouragement). Haven't read much, haven't accomplished a thing. Stayed up after my "Yay" party on Thursday night listening to music and being morose.
Honestly? I'm not enjoying it. But there is this weird need to flense the last of my former identity before leaving for Europe. I am embarking on being a new person. No longer Gini the Amazing Fulltime Employee and Law Student. Soon just Gini the Working Woman. Law school has basically been a huge chunk of my identity since I divorced from Hubby Number One and my identity as Homeschooling Mom, Gini the Quilter. Yeah, there was a year of Getting Worthless Business Degree, which was entangled with Marrying Second Hubby, all of which kind of blurred together in simple survival mode. Then we decided to take a chance on Cleveland, and with it came getting ready for law school. From the time I made that decision, even though it was a year from that, through the LSATs and applications, it was a huge part of Who I Was Going To Be, even before classes started. That's, really 5 years and change of my life.
Now, I get to be someone else.
Oh, parts of me are bedrock: Gini the Wife; Gini the Mom; Gini the Paralegal/Eventually-Lawyer. A couple more are default: Gini the Gardener; Gini the Friend; Gini the Geek; Gini the Pagan; Gini the Exerciser. I want to pick back up some from the past: Gini the Quilter/Crafter; Gini the Good Cook. But all of that leaves a hole still to be filled, or maybe just a lot of options within those identities. Gini the Community Active is definitely one place I want to go.
Maybe it's not a fear that I don't really exist. Maybe it's being overwhelmed by too many choices.
Whatever the source, I am glad for our impending trip. Getting away from it all should complete my deconstruction. I will be ready to be myself, whoever she is.
Ferrett, of course, suggests Gini the Fellatrix. He's even willing to throw himself on that grenade. Brave boy.
